Shoreline Times Columns

Writing and illustrating a local news column, now in its’ fourth year, focuses on life, transformation, vision, dance, home, clutter, creativity, family, friends, and relationships. The material springboards from my book, Create the Space you Deserve, the Creating Your Vision Workshops, and everyday life. Stories get told from around the campfire, while pulling weeds, or from the porch with the girls. For the whole story, click on a column below. Or go on-line, to read the most recent stories from the New Haven Register’s ShoreLineTimes. The Times reaches 66,000 households along the Connecticut coast.

The art of being, doing, having.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Which to choose? To Have, to Do, to Be ? or To Be, to Do, to Have?

By way of a recent client project, I was reminded about an exercise on the distinction of HAVING what we want, DOING what we do to get what we have, and BEING whatever we hope will result in our feeling good about what we’ve created in our life. In reverse, you’ve got to BE before you can DO and DO before you can HAVE.

By responding to BEING, DOING, and HAVING in this order, we can create a totally different result that looks like a much healthier, balanced, and meaningful life. The first question becomes how do I want to BE? This is the emotional, like being more caring, sensitive, loving. Next, what

do I want to be DOING, writing a book, travelling the world, designing a vegetable garden. The third is Having the life I want as a result of who I am, plus, what I am Doing.

There’s great pressure from society to live the prescribed life. When our lives are prescribed by the fearful, and mandated by what we’re “supposed” to do, we miss the boat for the life that wants to be more intentional and authenticate to our nature. It’s good to remember that every choice, or decision, we make has a consequence.

There is an entire generation of recent grads working in unexpected jobs, or not at all, living at home, and being supported by parents who are scratching their heads wondering what was that investment all about? What will be the ROI (return on the investment) of these expensive educations? Students with loans are pondering the same question.

Because of the economic downturn and the world being in turmoil this generation of grads is caught in a SHIFT without a plan or a skill set beyond what’s worked before. Before is no longer. What I see is an opportunity for looking at what this talented and educated group can do and create by looking at their world with a different eye… or better yet, from the inside out.

My friend Carol says, “if you want a job, you have to create it yourself.” I remember Vera, the scarf, ladybug Vera, whose first job out of art school during WW II was painting roses on metal wastepaper baskets. Vera didn’t love roses, never did! So, she went to her boss and said, “you know women love daisies, I think we should be painting daisies on our baskets”. He wasn’t so sure until she said, “well, I can paint daisies a whole lot faster than I can paint roses”. And he said, “O.K. Vera paint daisies”. Her daisies became their best selling pattern and when Vera created her own enterprise she became the most successful female designer in the world. Seeing an opportunity and speaking up was Vera’s path to her Being, which led to her Doing what she loved, and opening the way to HAVING her ultimate success.

A SHIFT in our thinking is needed!

My new assistant Isabella, just out of college, thought she was destined to work in NYC but she wasn’t willing to pay the rent by BEING a waitress or bartending, in order to DO a job she couldn’t even name. She was far more interested in BEING independent, responsible, and self sufficient, thus, was drawn to what goes on here at Jill Butler art&design, and was willing to DO what needed DOING. She has now created, HAVING, a job for herself in sales and marketing.

If we don’t know who we are, it’s time to find out. If we don’t know what are our offerings, our talents, or what are our gifts to give, it’s time we did. If we want to be taken care of without participating, we need to get beyond that and start thinking in new actionable ways.

Sometimes I Get a Little Lost

Start by spending less time with the devices, and more time moving physically, eating better and balanced food. Begin connecting in real and meaningful ways, eyeball to eyeball. Pay attention to your surroundings and you will begin to see what you are attracted to. By listening deeply, and watching attentively, you’ll begin to see where you can contribute. When you see a need, or an opening, consider it a sign that there is something here with your name it.

When in doubt, ASK for help. Ask, who am I BEING? What am I DOING? And what kind of life can I create that is worthy of HAVING?

Editor’s Note:

Jill’s next workshop is Thursday, May 24, 6-9 pm in her Chester Studio. The fee is $75. This Creating Your Vision Workshop with special focus on our BEING, DOING, and HAVING. To register or for information: www.jillbutler.com or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or call, 860.526.5155.

Let there be magic: It can come from out of the blue

Friday, 20 April 2012

When asked what am I writing about this month and I say passion - eyebrows raise, voices go up, cheeks get rosy, and I’m smiling because the first thought about passion is love and sexy…quite literally. And that is so what we all want - to love and to be loved.

Gratefully passion has many expressions. To have passion within and for our lives, I do believe, will attract all the experiences of passion. When we are fully engaged and impassioned about what we do, create and offer to the world, we are on fire, and alive as attractive people others want to be around. I see passion as the thing we love and do because we love how we feel when we are engaged, as well as, how it feels to wake up in the morning with a YES for life.

The big sweep: Time for spring cleaning, working from the bottom up

Thursday, 15 March 2012

“Spring doesn’t begin on the surface…it begins below the ground.” Just like spring cleaning – we have to work from the bottom up.

Given we can't quite yet get to the garden, there's a window of opportunity to turn the dirt - the clutter in our homes and personal environments - into more fertile ground for new growth.

I call it The BIG Sweep season, the next Be Bold for 2012! Why bother we may ask, or, how and where do we begin the clearing of the clutter? We’ve been here before; we start, we stop, we linger, we pause, we collapse, we quit, shut the door, struggle to close the drawer, push the boxes to the back of the garage, look the other way, and pretend it doesn’t exist! Perhaps it is time to get dramatic and do the obvious and most difficult and just “Do The Work,” the title of Steven Pressfield’s book that I love.

What is at cause for our clutter? We’re all in the overwhelm of too much stuff, paper (what happened to paperless) and media madness. How did this come to be? I believe it is because there is an endless onslaught of choices and we have set no boundaries, or limits on what we allow in, while believing ourselves to be victims of it all. Overwhelm seems to be easier to accept than saying no, no more.

Clearing the clutter treats the surface problem but doesn't get to the bottom of the issues; root cause of how we got here. By not setting boundaries is the short answer. The long answer could be by accepting either people’s stuff to store, by becoming the keeper of the family treasures, or by being pressured by the children’s desire for keeping their rooms the same for forever, or simply not tending to staying clear, we’ve allow ourselves to get trapped by the stuff.

The clearing of the clutter is actually the easier piece of this conundrum. When we think we “should” be clearing the clutter, this “should” gets us in other muddy waters. Do you want to, or do you not want to clear the clutter? If you’re doing this for you, you’ll have a far better chance for success than if you’re doing it for somebody else - husbands, family member, or others who are minding your business.

We have to decide and declare for ourselves why we are clearing these spaces, these things, or our worn out habits and ways of being. What will be our prize? That prize can be anything from relief, to a new unencumbered workspace, the lift of the guilt and burden, or a gentle knowing that all is well in your home.

At home and at ease….there is no greater gift. What comes from this ease is our creativity. Within this void starts the bubbling up of new ideas; ideas that have been waiting for a clean and clear slate, fertile ground for planting the new. In our company studio at the end of every project, we like to clean, clear, file, arrange, step back and notice what needs attention. We take time to attend to what we can do to make our space and files more efficient so we can welcome the new project that awaits us, or welcome the one that’s been waiting for us to be ready. Hear that – what has been waiting for you to be ready? This is your prize. I often say, that the next new you is hidden, buried in your clutter, and in the process of clearing you will get clues, entertain new ideas and what you find may astound you. Very often it is a version of, I’ve always wanted to… I used to dream about doing… Your heart’s desire may very well reveal itself in this process of clearing the way.

And still we want to know how to tackle the stuff. The tips for clearing, there are many, and we welcome these ideas. So here’s an idea: I will be facilitating a "Clearing the Clutter, Quiets the Mind" Workshop for the benefit of The Child & Family Agency of Southeastern CT and their huge 58th Annual Tag Sale. The best part of the workshop taking place on Saturday, March 31, from 10 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. is actually three things; first, the $35 fee is a tax-deductible donation, second, you will meet each other and the great gals who are the hard working and generous members of this organization, maybe even consider becoming a member, third, the last and best is, there is a place to donate your stuff. You can drop it off on Wednesday, April 4, 10 a.m. – 6 p.m. at the Essex Town Hall. Having a cause and a place to donate your things is often the stumbling block in this clearing process, so that problem has been removed.

Get started now, come to the workshop, get energized, and stop thinking about being bold, Be Bold now! We will laugh, consider some new ideas, and share our stories about this passionate subject. In the end, my vision is that you will want to go home, or start right now, and declare why it's important to be doing this clearing; and in time to discover what has been hidden and waiting patiently underground to bloom anew. And then a word of caution; be gentle with yourself while staying on task, no judging. Remember this is a process not a sprint, be sure to acknowledge yourself for steps taken and pat yourself on the back for deciding to get clear for you. “Spring doesn’t begin on the surface…it begins below the ground.” And it takes time and patience to show itself.

BE BOLD! Women’s Symposium

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

OLD SAYBROOK - When women come together to learn, nurture, change, and grow, the outcome is inspired, energetic and contagious.

The Saybrook Point Inn & Spa will present its “BE BOLD!” Women’s Symposium on Friday evening, March 23 from 6 – 9 p.m. starting with a wine and hors d’oeurves reception with a meet and greet the speakers. Return on Saturday, March 24, as the program continues with a 7 a.m. guided morning stretch and walk (optional), 8 a.m. registration, 8:30 a.m. Movement in Motion class for all levels of fitness, followed by breakfast, inspiring presentations, lunch and one-on-one time with the speaker, and a wrap up with afternoon tea.

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